a few more things off my wish-list

There were a couple things i really wanted for when i start college in august:

1. camelbak water bottle
2. North Face back-pack.


After my graduation party, i decided to take some of the money and spend it on
this fantastic back pack and camelbak. i was so excited to get them in the mail yesterday!

something i used to take for granted...

There are some things that i used to take for granted...a lot.
one of those things is being able to spend time with this guy.
I remember when we could plan to have breakfast together every other day.
a bacon and cheese omelet with home made hash brown potatoes was the usual order.
I remember being able to say "i want pizza tonight" and ten minutes later i was at his
house and we were eating napolis pizza.
There were times when i'd be having a bad day and a just little while after telling
him that on the phone, he'd come by my house and surprise me with a box of chocolate and just spend time with me while i drank tea and ate chocolate and told him all about it.
(of course he would just drink water because he would never drink tea...ever.)
Then i remember crying my eyes out on my porch the day before he left for college knowing
i'd only be able to see him for a weekend here or there--if only i had known what would
happen soon.
I remember having to tell him that i was moving. and not just to another town, but to another
state...way up north. can we say worst day ever?
It finally happened, i won't ever forget him to stopping by at 6am the morning
we were going to leave sp that he could say goodbye to me.
honestly, it was terrible. i'm pretty sure i cried the whole way to our new home.
He came to visit me a week ago and it was probably...no, for sure, the BEST time i've ever
spent with him. when you get so used to living without someone and suddenly you can be with them
all the time, it is quite enjoyable. I enjoyed every single minute we spent together. from rigorous hiking trips to him making me egg sandwiches in the middle of the night. He is the greatest. (i was so happy that my amazing aunt and photographer helped us capture some of our time together with a quick photo shoot!:))
I felt like a true queen the whole time he was here. I mean, how many guys would be willing to spend
a day at the mall looking for shoes? or spend an entire morning rushing around making finger sandwiches and egg salad for a graduation party? We had so much fun. it was tough saying goodbye, but i am looking forward to seeing him again soon.

Weekend fun

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday i got to spend some good time with Shannon and Jessica :) we had so much fun. these girls are crazy but I love them to death!

coloring books? NO! How about a sheep brain?

I recently started 'supervising' for the most amazing family!
I've babysat for many families--many, MANY families.
However, i can honestly say that my favorite experience
with kids has been hanging out with these guys. Alyssa,
Michael, Jack, and their dog Emerson, have become very
good friends of mine:)

If you know me, you know that i want to be a nurse, and am
therefore fascinated with science. My mom tutors a class of
7th and 8th graders. She ordered some mammal organs to
dissect with the class and guess who got the left over organs? ME!

Some babysitters bring coloring books, games or play-dough
with them to the kids' house but me?
I decided to bring a sheep brain with me to dissect with the kids.
We had a blast!

contentment

It has always been a pet peeve of mine when people decide to post vague facebook
posts about saying "uggh. i hate this..." "i don't know what to do..." or "this is terrible..."
(please take note of the dot dot dots. ha!) they just annoy me because they can sometimes
come across as over dramatic. i have decided to go in the opposite direction.
i will write an entire blog post about how i'm feeling right now. so, you may
consider this your fair warning:)

There are some days when i'm okay with being in Massachusetts and there are
certainly those days when i just want to be back in Virginia. i want to be in an
area where i'm familiar with where things are, i want to be with Erik on his break
and feel that it is entirely unfair that i feel like all i ever see on facebook, instagram
twitter are pictures of happy couples being all lovey dovey. or couples complaining
 about how it's too hard to "go a whole week without seeing my baby, blah blah."
it annoys me. to no end. hello! i'm over here hundreds and hundreds of miles away
from my man and i see him MAYBE once every 3 or 4 months and as it stands right
now, i don't know when i'll be with him again. I have days when i can take everything
in stride and just let it all play out without tripping me up and those where every little
things irritates me. those "good" days can be summed up with the word contentment
and the bad ones, you guessed it, discontentment.

Today i woke up tired. i woke up sick--again. i woke up discouraged. i woke up
frusterated. I chose discontentment. that was a mistake! I was having some Jesus time
this morning and i came across a statement..."i am in charge of how i feel and today i am
choosing to be content." That is my choice today. to be content no matter what or how i feel.

"...Godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6

sledding!

I do not think i have been sledding since i was like 9.
i'm not even kidding.
my friend shannon knew of this cool park to sled at
and since we got slammed with snow, we decided to make
the most of it and go sledding. it was so fun! :)

the snow was really heavy so we pretty much ended
up falling down the hill instead of sliding, but it was great
exercise, i'm sure!

A plank eyed saint with a heart divided

"Jesus friend of sinners we have strayed so far away we cut down people 
in your name but the sword was never ours to swing, Jesus friend of sinners 
the truth's become so hard to see, the world is on their way to you but 
they're tripping over me. always looking around but never looking up i'm 
so double minded, a plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided."

These are some of the words to a song that has really spoken to me the past
few days. I have been to church probably 899 of the 900 Sundays I've been
alive for. probably in the front pew with each of my siblings, parents and myself
with our Bibles on our laps and our eyes up front. My dad is also a missionary.
what is my point? i have spent a very lot of time around christians. i have been
loved, hated, looked up to and despised by them. there is one thing that has
baffled me for most of my life. why can church be such a dangerous place?
and i think that i have drawn my conclusion. because a lot of people within it have
some warped impression that Jesus only came so that good people can go
to heaven. Nothing, and i mean NOTHING, could be farther from the truth.
if that were the truth, i assure you, i would not be going.

It makes me so sad that hurting people can step foot into the walls of
a church or the home of a christian, be desperately searching for answers and hope
and leave feeling judged, worthless and hopeless. this should never happen.
NO person is perfect. i firmly believe that every single one of us has some sin
or temptation that we struggle with--i know i do. the fact is, Jesus came to free us
from the sin we have in our lives...not to brag on the ones who say they have none and
wave it in the faces of those who are in bondage and looking for answers.

what if all of us who professes to be a christian took a look at our lives
and realized that we are sinners. that although we may not be living in the
severe consequences that someone else is living in, all of us were, at some point,
on our way to a Christless eternity just as fast as everyone else is.

May it never be said of us that someone, searching for the hope of Jesus, felt
hopeless and not good enough to believe, be saved and live a life free from
their bondage because WE wanted them to think of us as better than them.

"Jesus friend of sinners, open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
let our hearts be lead by mercy, help us reach with open hearts and open doors,
oh Jesus friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks, yours. for you are good,
you are good, and your love endures forever. 
you love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast. for the leper and the lame;
they're the reason that you came. Lord, I was that lost cause; i was the outcast, 
you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at your feet."